As psychologist Katarina Kovacevic and her colleagues at York University (Canada) point out in an article they recently published in The Journal of Sex Research, most people believe that spontaneous sex is more satisfying than planned sex. In general, this myth has been created using scenes from movies: spontaneous sex = hot, passionate and impulsive. In addition, spontaneous sex takes you back to the early days of relationships when sexual desire was high and spontaneous sex was more than natural.

However, as intimate relationships mature, sexual desire decreases. Perhaps, on the one hand, familiarity isn’t as exciting as novelty, and on the other, daily duties can make it difficult to find time or energy for sex.

Much research shows that couples who have sex frequently are happier and more satisfied with their relationship. What’s important, psychology researchers believe, is that partners connect intimately frequently, not constantly analyzing whether the sex they’re having is “amazing” or “earth-shattering.”

In a current study, Kovacevic and her colleagues investigated romantic couples’ beliefs about spontaneous and planned sex. They also asked whether spontaneous or planned sex was perceived as more satisfying. The majority of participants answered that spontaneous sex was more satisfying than planned sex. However, there were also people who said they preferred their sexual encounters to be planned. Although spontaneous sex is ideal as a form of expression, it may be more practical for some to find time in their busy schedules specifically for sex.

Then, if we refer to adults in the role of parents, with young children or preschoolers, it is natural that discussions about availability for sex frequently arise, especially as the emotional variability is different, due to the demands focused on involving children’s emotional and educational development. On the other hand, also at the same life stages, the different ways in which adults understand and relate to each other, both as partners and as parents, can have a major influence on the desire to be close to a partner, especially in the case of women.